Member-only story
This Is How an Anxiety Attack Feels
It’s more like an attachment
I am scared.
I do not know what has me spooked. All I know is that the feeling under my arms and in my jaw makes me want to fight something and win.
But there are no enemies that I can see here at my desk by the window.
There is me, the laptop, and the sounds of birds singing sweet and polite.
They sound as if they are being thoughtful about hiding how carefree they are.
Solo can make you so low
I can tell when isolation is getting me down.
That’s when I get fussy about how clean my keyboard is.
You see, I hate when my hands are even a little grimy. It makes the key feel gross, and the sight of grease on them disgusts me.
All that means is something else is bothering me, and I have repressed it so far inside of myself I have no idea what’s wrong.
The sad part is, I know the tools to apply in situations like this.
I can change my state by raising my heart rate, maybe with a hundred jumping jacks and as many pushups as I can manage.
But part of me wants the suck.
